Donating Blood

10:02pm Night Before

I am starting to get a bit nervous about my appointment tomorrow to donate whole blood. The needle

itself is making me most nervous out of everything. I've been reading up on the donation site on whether I should bring something to do or for how long I will be there for. Supposedly the process takes 15 minutes to donate and the whole appointment is one
hour. So far all the information I can find to prepare is, stay hydrated and eat salty food beforehand. So at the moment I am focussing on drinking as much water as I can without bursting and googling different books I could buy before my appointment and brainstorming what to do during the process.

11:14am - 1 Hour After Donation

That was a lot easier than expected. As a first time donor I had an interview to go over my recent health and travels. Have my haemaglobin levels and blood pressure checked, and off into the donor room! You get hoisted into a chair and lifted quite high off the ground. I took the option of a blanket cause damn it's a cold morning (getting my blanket taken off me was by far the worst part). First we tried my right arm but missed the vein so quickly switched to the left arm. From there it was a quick swab of some yellow green liquid to sterilise, in goes the giant needle, and then chill out for 10 minutes while you donate.

Initially the needle hurt but 30 seconds later everything felt normal. We managed to get 470ml of blood and I was finished. As for right now, straight afterward, I am sitting in the free food and drink section. There's a nurse nearby making sure I'm drinking and eating. There are also signs everywhere telling me to grab some food to take home for later.

Overall. As of right now. Super easy process. Slightly scary at the start but would recommend trying it out for anyone whose considering it.

4:00pm - Few Hours After  Donation

I am quite easily very exhausted and tired. I feel good about what I did, but I overexerted myself with walking around the city and grabbing lunch, then catching public transport home. I began to feel dizzy and sick so I called and Uber and had a lovely chat with my driver. I think I estimated my strength to be a lot more than it is. I figured that I could walk around, with my heavy backpack, and everything would be the same. Turns out, losing a small amount of blood (10%) makes you a lot less able to be active than you  would originally.

For my future self when I go in to donate next - go straight home. When that exhaustion hits you, you're better off already in your pj's and watching movies.

Cate x

An Overly Difficult Day

My plan for today was simple. Do some washing, play some games, take my dog to the vet, sew my cushions. Surprisingly Mum had the day off work so instead we took advantage of her free morning and went down to get my learners permit (yes I'm almost 21 and still don't drive, I'm lazy like that).

We get down there, I'm confident and comfortable and happy to be getting this done. Sit in the waiting room for 40 minutes before we finally get called. First came the 10 minute questioning over if my birth certificate was real (my original got stolen when I was 2 and my replacement lacks watermarks but it was 1997 so, maybe times have changed?) which ended up with them deciding they didn't need it anyway because I had previously had a learners permit so it wasn't necessary (rage).

Move on to the surprise of, "You have an outstanding fine so you're ineligible to get your permit until it's paid". Queue my Mums and my stunned and angry faces. 

She explains that she can't see any details, just that we should call the 'Fines Dispute' phone, though it's always engaged, or go to the courthouse. Being a 9 minute drive away, we chose option B. 

We get down there, speak to a Justice of the Peace to have him tell us that the Fines Dispute office does not have a physical location. Greeeeat. However he can shed some light on some details. He can tell that the name was incorrectly spelt, the address is completely wrong, they gave a card number that I had never heard of, and got the fine on a train route that I don't take. Brilliant.

It was hard to be mad at the JoP as he was nice about the whole thing. Unfortunately for us we couldn't dispute it there or deal with it at all. He provided us with the same number, or take the more difficult option of going down to the transport office to dispute it. 

We ran out of time at this stage and simply went home angry and frustrated.

I get home, already feeling like things are just not working out today, maybe I accidentally broke a mirror? and the net is out. Can't even distract myself with games. Offline games also aren't working as my computer wont load programs for some unknown reason.

An hour later, with me crying inside, I rock up in the city to meet my boyfriend for lunch and head down to the transport office. Once there, the seemingly difficult day came to an end thankfully. Fine dismissed by the end of the week and I can continue on knowing I don't have to pay for a fine I never recieved. Come home, Mums temporarily destroyed the inside of the washing machine so scratch doing that, but the net is up finally and that's all I need.

So yeah, I had an eventful day. How'd yours go?

Cate

x

February Countdown

It's almost upon us, the wait to go back to uni is almost over! As someone who has little work hours, no training commitments to a hobby, I love the idea of going back to uni. My drive to get things done, to study and have places I need to be is definitely high at the moment.

Let's just hope that drive lasts long enough to make it to midsemester exams, and then be refreshed over the study break (Every other time I make it to this point, I just want to go back to bed for a week and try again next semester).

In the meantime however, I have been spending a lot of time reading and making a butt tonne of progress in Zelda Ocarina of Time on my 3DS.

I've also been trying to eat healthier and exercise a bit more, wake up earlier, get into some better habits. Something else I hope the drive for stays when uni comes around.

Until February 29th when things get busier, lets find something to do!

Cate
xx

Summer Weekends

Healthy food, trail walks, photos, naps, lunch and dinner out, my Saturday and Sundays are beginning to pick up!

With the weather warming up (still not as warm as it has been, middle of December and its only 31°C) we're starting to spend less time on our computers and more time outside soaking up that ridiculously burny sun. Seriously, we spent 2 hours walking around under trees and bush and we're slightly toasted.

Today in particular we went for a veeeery long walk around the Araluen Botanical Gardens and found bobtail lizards, plenty of butterflies, frogs, parrots and the occasional kookaburra. No kangaroo's though, sadly.

The week before this we went to the beach for the first time in what feels like over a year, but really it was last Christmas, so almost a year. As you can imagine two hermits out at the beach, we were the whitest people there by a long shot (and that's including the Northern Europeans that were also there), we fried ourselves terribly.

So what've you been doing with your Summer or Winter weekends?


Cate x

My Hiatus

It's almost been 3 months! Once the semester really took off I needed to step back from everything and put all my energy into getting my assignments in on time and have some good quality to them.

Now that its holidays I have aaaaaall the time to do whatever until semester starts up again in February, or maybe March, to post and be active online.

It's good to be back!

Cate x

My Top 5 Songs This Month

I've been getting back into listening to music recently and just taking time to unplug and look up at my surroundings. That means, of course, updating my playlist to my current taste and exploring whats currently out there. Here's the top 5 songs on my playlist;

1. Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko.
One of those songs that doesn't sound like the producers are drowning out the singer with the beat. And the video is kind of a great story. It's light, easy to listen to, and the artist is geniune.



2. Love Myself - Hailee Steinfeld.
So I watched her in Pitch Perfect 2 and decided to find out more about this up and comer (also noticed she was in the Bad Blood music video). The first time I heard the song I was very "eh" about it all. The next day I kept humming it and then couldn't get it out of my head. Now it's my favourite  "uppity" song.



3. Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift.
I'm sure everyone has heard this song by now and it's super catchy (like every Swift song). About time something other than Bad Blood took over, though I was sure it would be her best music video and song...



4. Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd.
Not the biiiiggest fan of the video clip, but catchy as hell.



5. What Do You Mean - Justin Bieber.
Before you flame me for being a biebs fan, I can assure you, I don't have allegiances with any artists (unless it's Iggy and Nicki going head to head, Iggy always). Purely in it for the music and it's catchy, it's not overly mopey, and you can just chiiiill to it, which was kind of the theme for my playlist. Chill, but upbeat.




What songs have you guys been loving recently? Have any of mine made your lists? Let me know in the comments.

Cate-Marie xxx

Seeing Your School Bully Again

Recently my sister has begun to change her circle of friends. This eventually had her end up with a bunch of people from my year group in high school. Whilst most of these people had picked on me and made my life miserable for a while, the biggest shock was having a girl who bullied me endlessly in primary school hang out at my house.

Now, I try not to hold a grudge against people as it doesn't get you anywhere and just builds hate, and I believed it wouldn't be an issue. But seeing this girl after so many years hanging around my house without saying a word to me is just...baffling.

I'm not entirely sure what the best course of action is, whether I ignore her and just try to forget she's there, or confront this issue with my sister and let her know I'm uncomfortable, or even bring this problem up with her?!

Help me out here, have you guys ever had encounters with past bullies?

Cate-Marie xxx

Keeping Lightened Hair Healthy

Around spring to summer time we all get that urge to do something different to our wardrobe, our makeup, our hair. To reinvent ourselves into the new season with a new colour palette that can range from playful, flirty, party, or work. One major seasonal change that has remained constant is lightening your hair. Mostly going from brown to blonde, or taking it that one step further and dying it purple or red or blue. As fun as it is, there are a few things that first timers, or people that aren’t hair care enthusiasts, need to know in order to protect and revive your lightened hair.

Get a good purple shampoo/conditioner. I don’t use both at once, I alternate between the shampoo or conditioner depending on if they’re in stock or on sale. I recommend using Fudge Violet Toning Shampoo ($16AUD). It lasts quite a while as you don’t need to treat your hair every wash – roughly once a fortnight or as needed depending on how often you wash your hair. Realistically it is quite expensive for a shampoo, but it works miracles and to make it last longer, you can mix it with your normal shampoo when you do need to use it and voila!

Find a conditioning treatment. Your hair will start to become quite dry and brittle if you use heat regularly and you’ll get split ends regardless of how good your hair was before. Try to do a hair mask/treatment once a month, or in summer if you spend a lot of time in salt or chlorine water, once a fortnight. If you aren’t sure where to start with hair masks, you can ask your hair dresser or a beauty store sales person to point some out. I personally recommend Toni & Guy Nourish Reconstruction Mask ($16AUD). After using it my hair feels sooooo soft and fresh and healthy. And the good thing about this is it lasts forever and you can use it on unlightened hair as well.

Use heat protectant and oil. Heat protectant is a no-brainer. If you use a hair dryer try to avoid the heat and use the cold setting if your dryer has it. After drying or styling your hair with heat, I like to use Schwarzkopf Daily Oil Elixir ($9AUD) in the ends of my hair to help the ends remain healthy and stop them getting knotted and dried out. I like to use Tresemme Styling Heatspray ($5AUD) for my heat protectant and to air dry my hair as much as possible, even when it isn’t lightened anymore I still prefer to air dry. For the oil just one to two pumps will do, spread evenly on your hands and fingers, and run through the ends of your hair. I also like to comb through the ends once I have finished just to make sure none of it is sticking together.

Try to use chemical repair or moisturising shampoo’s and conditioner’s. The most important thing now that you have lightened your hair, is to try to keep it healthy and to avoid it drying out. Any moisture repair/moisture rich shampoo or conditioner will do. Do try and experiment with different types. At the moment I alternate between Herbal Essence’s and Garnier, and have a Toni & Guy Nourish for Damaged Hair Conditioner ($16AUD) for when my hair is feeling completely dried out or when I go on holidays and need that extra oomph. It is a bit more pricey but definitely worth it.

Have fun with your hair ladies and keep it healthy!

Cate-Marie xxx

My little break

I'm baaaack from my completely unplanned hiatus. I wish I had an excuse, but I don't unfortunately! I just got lazy and was enjoying my time off from uni so much. I have however been reading like crazy and finished off two books that I am so overly happy with and have started a third already. 

As much as an update goes, not much has really been happening. I've been relaxing, reading, playing games, hanging out with friends, family, everyone and anyone who will see me!

I have a million ideas for new posts - take a month off and coming back with fresh ideas and some weird inspiration that I can't quite explain - should do this more often.

I've got a few posts that I'm wanting to start writing and lining up so keep an eye out. Hint for my first one, ladies, if you've been thinking about your hair for a while hopefully this'll help your decision.

Cate-Marie xxx

End of Semester Reflections

MY first semester is finally over! Exams as well! I'm so happy that it's over and sad at the same time. University is... overwhelming, exciting, refreshing, stressful, and an all around good experience.

At first I was nervous as I wouldn't know anyone there. Over the past 15 weeks I've made a few friends, many acquaintances' and have become very outgoing when it comes to speaking to strangers.

In fact I'm even going to hang out with some uni people on Friday! Having a social life is kind of exciting...

The entire semester was a bit stressful at times when it came to big assignments and the ever approaching due dates. But you always push past it, try your best and it pays off. Big time.

Exams were an entirely different ball game. All of my exams were worth 40% of my marks I became more stressed than I have ever been before. It would have been prefferable if they were all over the space of 3 days so I could get it over and done with, but unfortunately it was over 6 days. SO much stress. 

After exams I had massive headaches and nausea. Everytime I think about my chances of passing and how many mistakes I could've made, I feel sick and headachey again.

Not long hopefully. Three weeks possibly until I know. The nerves are real.

If (optimistically, when) I pass, bring on semester 2. So excited to continue studying, being productive, meeting new people. There's something about learning and improving yourself that just feels good.

For the next 6 weeks of break I will be hopefully learning how to crochet as my next project....or stick to reading and playing games.

Cate-Marie xxx

How to: Lighten Your Hair with Minimal Damage

We've all dreamt from time to time about dying our hair blonde or lightening it from almost black to a light brown or fiery auburn red, or having Kylie Jenner inspired fashion coloured hair. The problem with this is, whilst it is crazy expensive to have a proffessional do it, it is incredibly damaging. 

I myself went from having 3 years of black hair, to platinum blonde, back to brown, then almost black, then white-blonde, then dark brown, and now I've got some weird mixture of natural ash brown roots with ash blonde balyage (with some really awesome pink ends). My hair doesn't grow fast and, as you can imagine, is in pretty poor condition.

I've paid hairdressers hundreds of dollars, gone out and bought bleach, absolutely pummelled my hair with so many chemicals I'm surprised I still have any left. A week ago I went from dark brown hair with reddish undertones, to ash blonde with minimal damage! Here's what I used to do so;

What you'll need;
You're going to need a few things to do this. Firstly you'll need the colour stripper, the colour you desire to go (maybe even a halfway colour if your doing a drastic change and don't want to be seen with possibly embarrassing hair), some good latex gloves (the thicker the better), hair clips or elastics (use plastic only, no metal as it could react with the chemicals), a shirt you don't mind getting dirty, and at least 2-3 hours for the process to happen.

Stripping the Colour;
For the colour stripper I used Scott Cornwall Decolour Stripper. You can use this on natural hair as well as previously dyed. Following the instructions, I let this process for 30 minutes then washed it out. Whilst processing you can tie it up in a bun or clip it up off your clothes and neck. The mixture feels a little like sand in your hair, this is normal, don't worry. Whilst washing that out just keep in mind to be gentle with your hair and make sure you've gotten it all out. You may wish to repeat this step a second time if you find you haven't gotten the colour lift you wanted, or you missed a few spots.

Dying your Hair;
After I was happy with how much colour was lifted, I used the L'Oreal Excellence Creme in 9.1 Ash Blonde. Following the instructions in the packet, I left this one on again for 30 minutes and washed it out. Whilst in the shower I used Fudge Purple Shampoo to tone and get any brassy colours out. Conditioning as normal, drying and styling afterwards and I'm left with my final result. 

Overall I'm happy with the result. Having warm tones has always bugged me, and I've had them since I originally dyed my hair black in 2008. I'm also super happy that there is minimal damage. In the past with blonde hair I've had hair break off after one wash after the trip to the hair dresser and have been incredibly disappointed. With these products I haven't noticed any additional damage to my hair which is suuuper awesome.

If you guys have any hair dying stories or products you like to use, let me know in the comments!

Cate-Marie xxx

Blog Lovin'

Hey guys!

I've activated my blog (finally) on Blog Lovin'! For those who don't know what it is, it's a site where you can view blogs across all platforms (tumblr, wordpress, blogspot, .net) in one place.

If you haven't heard of it before, check it out!

Cate-Marie xxx

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Study Study Study

As I've had a few big assignments and tests in the past fortnight I've been super busy studying. With exams in 2 weeks time there is only more study to come, ugh! But then there's holidays which I am super excited for.

If it were still summer I'd love to spend it lazing around outside in the shade, enjoying a warm breeze, powering through books and visiting places to take lots of photos and build my camera skills.

However it's winter, which means winter pajamas, lots of baths (what up Lush), and candles galore!

I've been trying to think of places to go take photos whilst its all rainy, overcast weather but cannot think of anywhere that would be semi-nice. If you've got any suggestions, let me know in the comments!

Cate-Marie xxx

(hopefully I'll have some photos soon though!)

Happy 4th of May Everyone!

Just a quick post to say, Happy May 4th, May the 4th be with you, and enjoy your activities for the day! 

Yay Star Wars! (For those who don't understand, it's the unofficial Star Wars recognition and celebration day. For more information, click here.)

Cate-Marie xxx :)

April Loot Crate!

This months lootcrate theme is fantasy! When lootcrate announced the theme I was quite skeptical about what would be in the crate but this month is amazing!

First thing you see is the red shirt that I was very "eh" about as it's red which is a colour I actively avoid wearing. Then I see it, the Game of Thrones and Harry Potter merchandise. Yesssssss. I absolutely love Harry Potter and Game of Thrones, particularly the GoT merch. Underneath all this was the inflatable crown, which when I first saw it in its deflated, folded state, I was a little bit "what the hell is this thing..". After inflating it I think I'm going to wear it all around my house. For some reason it's the most fun thing in the crate.

Items in the April Lootcrate include a Dungeons & Dragons T-Shirt, a Harry Potter luggage tag, an inflatable crown (best item ever), exclusive RPG Bow Tie, The Princess Bride playing cards, exclusive Game of Thrones 4GB USB, and a Game of Thrones magnet set.

For those interested, you can check out the lootcrate website here. 

Cate-Marie xxx

Kings Park & ANZAC Day

Last Friday I visited Kings Park to test out my camera and check out the pre-ANZAC day ceremoney set up. For those who don't know what ANZAC day is, it's the anniversary of the landing in Gallipoli on April 25th 1915, and remembering all the "diggers" that've died both in Gallipoli and since then.

Unfortunately as it was an incredibly gloomy day I didn't get any good photos as a), I'm still trying to figure out how to take a good photo and b), even though it wasn't ANZAC day yet, it was super busy.

For anyone who wants more information on ANZAC day click here.

Cate-Marie xxx

Controversial Uni Topic

So for my next essay in my English course at university, I've been asked to write an argumentative essay on whether or not I believe the death penalty should be enforced world wide, or if I believe it should be a thing of the past. Naturally, this divided the class into two and a few arguments went back and forth on whose side was more righteous. I have my own view on things, however unfortunately we're not allowed to have a 'grey area'. That is, if we only want the death penalty for severe crimes and let everyone else off with a light jail sentence, that would be a grey area. Death for all or death for none. 

In my own kingdom (if I did have one, it would be awesome. Trust.) I would probably make it so if you were to commit murder or molest someone then death sentence for you! Given that the crime could be definitively proven of course. History has shown us that unfortunately, a lot of innocent people died due to corrupt cops, racism, and a complete lack of evidence.

Now as this will most likely divide everyone into two, possibly three, groups, I wont rant on.

But if you guys had your own kingdom, what would you do; keep it, get rid of it, or partially use it? 

Let me know in the comments :)

Cate-Marie xxx

University/College Prep Guide

Feeling a bit liiiittle qualified now to give advice on starting university as I've almost completed my first semester (Yay!) though surprisingly it has gone incredibly fast.

So here's a few things to keep in mind as you prepare for that first semester.

1. As much as we all loooove fresh new stationary, you really aren't going to use most of it. I tend to fall victim to the sales of all the pretty notebooks in Typo and the back-to-school pen selections. Whilst 10 different notebooks and 20 differently coloured pens may seem extremely appealing, in reality you're only going to need a handful of blue or black pens (depending on your preference) and some highlighters. I personally recommend getting the Stabilo highlighters as they last forever and are the perfect width for highlighting and tend not to bleed through the page.

2. As far as notebooks and writing pads go, the smarter option is going for loose leaf lined paper and carrying it around in a document holder or stiff plastic sleeve to keep it straight. You don’t know how many pages you’ll need in a notebook – some lecturers have a million things for you to write down, others will give you handouts. For decorative purposes you can get a pretty binder, but make sure it’s a lever arch file as you will be opening and closing it a lot to store away new notes.

3. A laptop isn’t necessary but it does help a lot when it comes to note taking. However if buying a fast laptop isn’t exactly realistic, paper notes are fine. Most universities will provide you with a logon that will give you access to lecture powerpoint slides so you can go over those at home before or after your lecture and add to your notes.

3a. A quick sub-point – there are tonnes of ways to take notes, I personally like to have brief printed notes as well as hand drawn graphs and brainstorms. You’ll find you need to print a lot in university and buying ink for a printer can add up if you don’t use it often and it dries out. Try and find somewhere near your school or home that does relatively cheap printing.

4. Try and source a good backpack. No one really cares what bag you’re using and the only person that it’s truly going to effect is you! Whilst a handbag may seem like and appealing choice, it will really screw with your shoulders, especially on a large campus. A laptop bag with lots of padding can be okay, so long as you swap shoulders often and don’t plan on carrying it for too long.

5. When it comes to navigating your campus, everyone gets lost all the damn time. A lot of students will be given new lecture halls and labs to go to and if the building layout is relatively open this can make it very tricky to figure out. Most offices will have paper maps to hand out, and school sites will have downloadable PDF maps, but asking people is definitely not embarrassing. Unless they’re in a hurry and/or rude, no one takes it personally and is usually more than happy to point out the building.

6. Lastly, don’t be fooled by the illusion of having tonnes of free time. There is always study to be done and assignments coming up. A typical university semester is only 13 weeks long (excluding exam weeks) so you have to be super careful with how you spend your time. Hold off on getting that part-time job until everything’s settled down and you have organised a study routine or study time.

That’s it guys! All you really need to know before you go to your first semester at university or college. Whilst it may seem daunting at first, don’t stress too much as everyone else has been in your shoes before.

Cate-Marie xxx

Wisdom Teeth Weekend

This past Friday I had my wisdom teeth taken out and holy crap I don't think I've been this sore for so long before OR this swollen and bruised. I'll try not to get too specific with details, mainly they took out all four and with the bottom two, they had to cut my jaw bone to remove them successfully. Yeah, once the anaesthetic wore off, pain central.

Since Friday I've been religiously swallowing anti-inflammatorys, pain killers, and anti-biotics. Also gargling after I ate anything. I didn't know I could grow such a hate for gargling...

I'm still bruised and slightly swollen, and have a little bit of pain but it's manageable. For anyone whose planning on getting their wisdom teeth out anytime soon, here's a few tips that will make recovery sooo much easier;

1. You can never have too many pillows - your dentist/surgeon/whoever will tell you "you need to lay down with your head above your heart". I tried using only 2 pillows, seriously uncomfortable, 3 pillows I could deal with but you couldn't move otherwise you'd fall. Also teddies, new or old, make great companions whilst your stuck in bed. Try and gather as many pillows as you can and make yourself a nice pillow fort.

2. Jelly and ice-cream unfortunately does get old - jelly not so much as I love it but ice-cream gets boring fast. It is super easy to eat once you've learnt not to push food straight to the back of your mouth immediately, and the cold will feel nice with the pain. If there's a Baskin Robbins or any ice-cream joint near you, definitely head there beforehand and pick out a few favourites to take home in a tub.

3. Handheld entertainment is a life saver - I've been reading books like crazy recently and

am currently reading American Sniper so that's kept me fairly preoccupied. After I take my medicine and am no longer able to read I switch over to playing on my Nintendo 3DS XL. Guilty pleasure for me, but I love having something I can take anywhere and play - it's like my own little secret world all for me. Whilst there are great games such as the Zelda franchise and the Mario franchise, I'm addicted to Animal Crossing New Leaf. It's all so cartoony and colourful that it makes me feel like nothing can go wrong in there - and nothing does, after all it is rated G...

4. Stock up on movies, tv shows, and bookmark streams - luckily whilst I was stuck in bed there were CS:GO games on and someone was always streaming, but when there wasn't I would watch Big Bang Theory reruns and fall asleep to them. Sometimes when your so drowsy and are struggling to keep your eyes open or forming a coherent thought, watching something is incredibly relaxing. Especially if you don't like to read, or don't play games, definitely stock up on something to watch.

5. Get some help for the first two days - I was lucky enough to always have either my Mum, my Sister, or my Boyfriend helping me. As the medicine makes you drowsy and extremely dizzy, doing the simplest of tasks can become quite dangerous. Things such as getting food from downstairs, and refilling my cup (get the biggest glass you can to minimise having to do this) I needed assistance with. Also to help keep an eye on when I was due for more medicine, and helping me get from my bed to the bathroom was another thing I was too drowsy to do myself. The same thing goes for when you have to go out, make sure you have safe routes and hold off on taking all of your medicine unless there is someone with you to help you incase you become dizzy and disoriented. 

If you guys have any tips or tricks you used for when you had your wisdom teeth out or surgery let me know in the comments below!

Cate-Marie xxx

"Friendzoned" From the Girls Perspective

If you've made it through high school, chances are you've heard of the friendzone a million times over. And almost everytime you've heard the phrase used, it's been the girl at fault and she's the bad person in the situation. But as someone who has had to "friendzone" quite a few boys, us girls shouldn't be at fault for it.

In primary school I didn't have many friends. There was one girl who I was friends with on and off, some days we would hang out, others she wasn't interested. On our off days I would try and play sports with the guys as it seemed more fun than pretending to run a shop selling leaves and gumnuts. I made friends with one of the boys, *Riley. We would have play dates at each others houses and run around in the backyard and sandpits, sometimes we'd play on our PlayStation or Nintendo 64. One day Riley asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him that we weren't old enough to be girlfriend and boyfriend, and that I only liked him as a friend. Needless to say he got really mad and stroppy and stopped talking to me after that. 
I wasn't allowed to play sports at break time with the boys anymore as they'd all ignore me.

Later on in primary school there was boy who had just transferred, *Zach. He used to pick on me and hurt my feelings a lot. One day he put me in a headlock and dragged me from the eating area to the playground. I managed to break free and ran away. He chased me, caught me, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I outright refused to his face and told him to leave me alone. I was in tears at this stage as I was scared as I hadn't been put in a headlock before, let alone by someone I didn't really know.
Zach stormed away and told everyone I was a crazy person and no one would play with me at break after that, even the girls.

High school came around and by this stage, I was fairly certain guys were an alien species. In year 11 I made friends with some people from a different school, a group of guys who were really chilled and just liked having fun. I was lucky enough that they would let me hang around them and get to know them. They had this older friend, *Shaun, who would drive us around and hang out with us after school hours. He was cool, nothing seemed wrong with him at all, he just seemed to connect with these guys more than people his own age (he was only 4 years older than the guys). 
I started having feelings for one of the guys and Shaun decided there'd be none of that. He told me he liked me and I turned him down. He really was just a friend! His friendship meant a lot to me. Shaun then threatened the guy that I had a crush on and proceeded to keep an increasingly close eye on me. 
He asked me to be his girlfriend again about two months later. I turned him down again, nicely, and told him that he was just a friend to me and that I couldn't think of him as anything more. 
Upset, he told me to never return into the group of guys that I'd now been hanging out with for more than a year. 

About a year later, I get a text message from Shaun, asking if I'm interested in dating him. My answer didn't change. Just a friend. Nothing more. 
This, for some reason, gave him the impression he could slander me and call me names.

Everytime I made friends with a guy, or a guy had feelings for me in *Zach's case, and I would turn them down it would then become "appropriate" for them to make me feel like shit. To slander me, call me names, spread rumours about me, and make me seem like a bad person because I just wanted to be friends.

I'm not sure when it became socially acceptable to attempt to ruin someones reputation or try to control their actions because they didn't want to date someone, or when "friendzoning" became a bad thing. To me, if you do get friendzoned, it's simply because the other person doesn't have romantic or intimate feelings toward you, and the fact that they are comfortable enough to say so, just proves that they trust you enough as a friend to accept that.

Hopefully in the future this can change, and people can begin to realise the impact of their actions on others - such as spreading hate when you don't get your way, it wont get you anywhere, and it certainly wont change the other persons mind about dating you.

Cate-Marie xxx
*Changed names for privacy purposes.